Allow me to be perfectly honest here. There are plenty of positive platitudes that spring to mind when thinking about this post. Writing, life, trying your best. I know them all (especially it’s not supposed to be easy), I teach and sometimes the hollow words of encouragement toll like a sonorous weight around your neck. No matter what you accomplish, be it hitting a target, realising that you enjoy what you do having that perfect family life. Whatever it is that floats your water bound mode of transport.
I have consistently hit the targets I have set for myself (see previous weeks references to ‘the board’) over the last month or two. I am happy with what I have created and the skills that I have learned and am beginning to put into practice. On the surface of it all is going well and I should be really happy with my creative endeavours.
There is one simple problem though. I am not. It took me a while to think about how to phrase this post but I have decided to just write in a stream of consciousness (oh I will edit it a little as well for spelling and clarity) but it will be just what comes off the top of my head. I feel a little fraudulent, like I don’t really know what I am doing. I put words on a page and then into the little box that sits on my desk, sending them into that arcane thing known as the web.
The reality is that I just worry about interacting with people and no one reading what I put down or enjoying it. I think I feel like Tolkien’s description of Bilbo in Lord of the Rings, like butter spread over too much bread. I thought that by now (yes since the end of August) more people would have engaged with what I was putting out there and they have not. This disheartening feeling is leaving the more words I put on the page.
Do you know what? Rather than wallow like this, I will make next week a focus on writing. Write, list time:
- Get off social media for a week
- Do not look at analytics
- Focus on writing
Well I tell you what, I’ll let you know next week how I get on.
PS sorry if this seemed self-indulgent, just not felt myself this week.